An Attitude of Gratitude

If you're a regular reader, you probably already know that Grams has recently experienced a bout of feeling a little sorry for myself. I called it the "blahs" in this blog post. This is not something I've experienced regularly. I have sisters-in-law and siblings who deal with serious depression and I know that this is not that. It's just been a whole pile of stuff that has happened to me and to people I love and it's gone on so long that it seems never ending.

Being the person I am, I decided that I needed to do something to change my attitude. In an amazing coincidence, my online friend Jennifer started a Facebook group called 2,011 Gratitudes in 2011. Here are the only guidelines for participating:

In an effort to reclaim gratitude in our lives - 2,011 gratitudes has created this page to let YOU put out what makes you happy every single day of 2011. It's user friendly and you get to put it out in the Universe so you can learn to appreciate everything you have. The only rule is - NO REPEATS. You have to find 2,011 different things to be grateful for - 5 things every day (with 186 days needing 6). We won't be weirded out by what you find - if you're grateful for it - SHARE IT!

Now I don't know Jennifer well. I originally met her on the Texas Message Board at Obesity Help, an online support group for people who are considering or have had weight loss surgery. I met her in real life for just a couple of minutes at an OH conference a couple of years ago. Her husband is a cancer survivor and I've been so amazed at how she has stayed positive and downright sunny through her husband's treatment and recovery. On top of that, several of her other family members have also been seriously ill but Jenny just really finds a way to shine through. She also makes the most amazing and creative baked goodies for her daughter and her classmates.

The object of the exercise is to take time every day to look for things to be thankful for. It has definitely been an exercise for me. Every evening, just before bedtime, I take a few minutes and think about the day. It makes me think about how much I have and how blessed I am. It truly makes me count my blessings.

It's not a big group, there are only five or six ladies who are actively involved in the group. The bonus is, I'm getting to know all of them better. We're all very different in age, careers, family lifestyles, etc. But we're all getting to know and appreciate each other. And, we're all growing as a result of the exercise.

I'll be honest, this is still work for me. Some nights it would be easier for me to just go to bed. But the truth is, like any exercise, it gets easier with practice. I'm exercising my attitude of gratitude and, in the long run, I know I'll be a happier person for it.

Attitude Adjustment

Grandad and I arrived home from Houston late on Saturday evening. I've been meaning to write a blog post for several days, but I seem to have a bad case of the blahs.

Generally speaking, I'm not a person who gets depressed or down. But, I've just got to tell you, the last three years has kicked my butt. And, in particular, this last trip to Houston for Grandad's second cardiac ablation just about got the best of me.

Don't get me wrong. The second ablation which Grandad had last week went well. The doctors are very optimistic. They really think they may have solved the problem of continuing A-fib and flutter. We're all hopeful. But Grandad is having a much harder recovery than he did last time. He has a lot of chest pain, shortness of breath, and very little stamina. Right now we're in a wait and see mode while his heart heals.

It kind of feels like my life has become a bad country song. You know ... my mother got sick ... my husband got sick ... my mother died ... my husband got sick again ... he didn't get better ... and so on and so forth.  All I need is a pick-up truck and a guitar to complete the scenario.

I'm ready to cry uncle ... throw in the proverbial towel ... whatever. I'm done. It's time for a break. I'm exhausted and worn out. If I thought it would do any good I would open the window and shout "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more" like Howard Beale in Network. But other than letting off a little steam, I don't think that would accomplish anything.

Photo from Photobucket

I think I've spent the past three years so focused on Grandad's health and all the other stuff that I've had to deal with that focusing on "stuff" has become habitual. It's time to develop some new habits. I need to stop focusing so much on what I can not control and focus instead on what I can control. One of the things I can control (hopefully) is my attitude. So I've decided to take a more positive approach. 

I've joined a group of my Facebook friends in finding 2,011 Gratitudes in 2011. Each one of us is consciously looking for things to be grateful for every day. And each one of us is posting our own list of 2,011 things that we're grateful for. I'm think it will make me more aware that I have many things to be grateful for. And I'm hoping that it will give me an attitude of gratitude and a brighter outlook on life.