Attitude Adjustment

Grandad and I arrived home from Houston late on Saturday evening. I've been meaning to write a blog post for several days, but I seem to have a bad case of the blahs.

Generally speaking, I'm not a person who gets depressed or down. But, I've just got to tell you, the last three years has kicked my butt. And, in particular, this last trip to Houston for Grandad's second cardiac ablation just about got the best of me.

Don't get me wrong. The second ablation which Grandad had last week went well. The doctors are very optimistic. They really think they may have solved the problem of continuing A-fib and flutter. We're all hopeful. But Grandad is having a much harder recovery than he did last time. He has a lot of chest pain, shortness of breath, and very little stamina. Right now we're in a wait and see mode while his heart heals.

It kind of feels like my life has become a bad country song. You know ... my mother got sick ... my husband got sick ... my mother died ... my husband got sick again ... he didn't get better ... and so on and so forth.  All I need is a pick-up truck and a guitar to complete the scenario.

I'm ready to cry uncle ... throw in the proverbial towel ... whatever. I'm done. It's time for a break. I'm exhausted and worn out. If I thought it would do any good I would open the window and shout "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more" like Howard Beale in Network. But other than letting off a little steam, I don't think that would accomplish anything.

Photo from Photobucket

I think I've spent the past three years so focused on Grandad's health and all the other stuff that I've had to deal with that focusing on "stuff" has become habitual. It's time to develop some new habits. I need to stop focusing so much on what I can not control and focus instead on what I can control. One of the things I can control (hopefully) is my attitude. So I've decided to take a more positive approach. 

I've joined a group of my Facebook friends in finding 2,011 Gratitudes in 2011. Each one of us is consciously looking for things to be grateful for every day. And each one of us is posting our own list of 2,011 things that we're grateful for. I'm think it will make me more aware that I have many things to be grateful for. And I'm hoping that it will give me an attitude of gratitude and a brighter outlook on life.

Hope Springs Eternal

Grams is not going to review 2010. I've already done that in my Christmas letter post. Instead of looking back, I'm looking forward to a new year with hope.

On Sunday, Grandad and I will travel to Houston. We've set aside Monday for him to recover from the trip. On Tuesday, he will again become a patient at the Texas Heart Institute. Tuesday is set aside for pre-operative testing. On Wednesday, Grandad will have his second Cardiac Ablation. He'll stay overnight in the hospital then will rest in Houston until at least Saturday.

That's where the hope comes in. He had this same procedure last June and for about a month after had no atrial fibrillation and no heart flutter. Over the last five months it has become more frequent and more persistent again. The doctor tells us that this indicates that the ablation procedure will work to correct the problem, but the ablation may have to be repeated several times to achieve long-term results. The doctor also says that this time he will be more aggressive with the procedure.

I'm hopeful that this second time will be the charm. The heart has to heal six months between each ablation. That's a long waiting period if the fibrillation returns.

We'll be staying at our son's house in north Houston. I will have internet access but I'm not sure whether I'll be up to blogging or not. I will at least post an update.

As always, your thoughts and prayers will be appreciated.