The Substitute Diaries - Serendipity

On Wednesday Grams substituted for Ms. Story's second grade class. The night before, at the PTA meeting, the second grade had presented their annual program. So the next morning, they performed the program again for the entire school.

It was serendipity. There is little I love more in this world than primary school programs that include singing and dancing. This one did not disappoint. The theme was Surfin' Safari and it had everything ... hula girls in grass (plastic) skirts, sharks, straw hats, cardboard surfboards, leis, tropical flowers, limbo dancers and a few other things I probably don't remember. 

Fish

Leis, flowers & sunglasses

Hula dancers in grass skirts

Cardboard surfboards

The director of this musical extravaganza was Betty Murphy. Betty has been a PE teacher at our school district since my kids were in elementary school. You can just see her in the photo below leading the audience participation section of the program. She has been involved in these programs at least since My Favorite Christmas Pageant Ever which would have been sometime around 1986.

My favorite part of the program was Ms. Murphy's instructions to the students in the audience who were all primary school students. She spent the first few minutes explaining to them how an audience behaves. Her instructions included how to applaud properly, the importance of staying in your seat, and being respectful to the performers. She touched on how it's not polite to laugh if a performer makes a mistake and how proper audiences don't hoot and holler. I was very impressed.

She also took a moment to speak to the performers about the example they were setting for the other students. She explained that the kindergarteners and first graders would be learning how to put on a performance from watching them.

Grandad and I regularly attend live theater performances in Corpus Christi and occasionally in San Antonio.  I am often appalled at the lack of proper etiquette exhibited by audience members. I can only hope that these young people grow up to be proper theater patrons.

These photos were all taken with my HTC Evo Shift phone. Considering that I was sitting at the very back of the cafeteria, they're not too bad.

The Class of 2015

This week, Grams has been enjoying lots of Facebook posts of kids on the first day of school. Those are always some of my favorite photos. They remind me of my daughter's first day of school back in 1984. We had done all the recommended things to make sure the day went well. We had taken her to the school to meet her teacher and principal. She toured the school and talked about how it would be to move from day care to school. We reviewed the procedure for being picked up after school. In short, we thought everything would be fine. We were ready. She was not!

On the first day of school we paused at our front door and snapped a picture, which her brother insisted on joining her in. As usual, we were running late. We arrived on campus and I walked her to the classroom only to be re-directed to the cafeteria. The one thing they didn't tell us when we toured the school was that all students gather in the cafeteria every morning and are then dismissed to their classrooms when the teacher comes to pick them up.

That morning, that cafeteria was crowded and extremely noisy, not at all a place my quiet and somewhat timid daughter found appealing. Even to me, it seemed like controlled chaos. As soon as she heard the noise, she latched on to me and would not let go. And ... she started crying. I stayed with her until the teacher arrived to move them to the classroom, thinking it would help. And, I will point out here that I was not the only mom who stayed. The teacher tried to take her hand and soothe her. She was having none of it. The more I tried to separate, the tighter she held on and the louder she screamed. By the time I finally tore myself away, the teacher was physically restraining her by holding her around the chest as she clutched at the air screaming "Mommie, mommie, mommie!" Needless to say I cried all the way to work that day. This same scene was repeated daily for almost two weeks, until I finally felt comfortable just dropping her off with the staff at the front of the school.

For years afterward, other Moms would come up to me and comment about how difficult that day was. Someone actually came up to me at her graduation and said, "I remember your daughter on the first day of school." I just smiled and nodded. Little did I know that a few months later I would be the one who wanted to latch on and cry when I left her in her first college apartment.

This time of year also brings one of my other favorite things, Beloit College's Mindset List. They compile this list every year to help their faculty understand and relate to the incoming class of freshmen. Here are a few facts from the Mindset List for the Class of 2015.

1. Ferris Bueller and Sloane Peterson could have been their parents.
2. They have no memory of George Herbert Walker Bush being president.
3. To "swipe" doesn't mean to shoplift, it's something you do with a credit card.
4. "Don't touch that dial" has no meaning for them, but they know "Yadda, yadda, yadda."
5. They may think that LBJ stands for LeBron James.
6. There has never been an official communist party in Russia.
7. Arnold Palmer is a drink, not a golfer.
8. As infants, they were put to bed on their backs, not their tummies.
9. Sears has never sold anything out of a big catalog.
10. They grew up wanting to be like Shaq or Kobe and they probably don't know who Michael Jordan is.
11. When they were 3, their parents probably stood in a very long line to buy them a Tickle Me Elmo.
12. There have always been altar girls in the Catholic church.

The entire list is 75 items long. These are just a few that stand out for me. I think it's fascinating to watch the progression of each year's class as the world evolves and pop culture changes. I also like to think about how different the world will be for my Grands. I wrote about that here.

And, since the beginning of school always makes me think it should be autumn, I thought I would share our local forecast with you. I copied it from KRIS-TV.  As you can see, we're going from merely hot to "scorching." I'm sure wishing this long, hot summer would be over.

I just keep telling myself that next winter when y'all are all covered in snow and ice, we'll be enjoying 70 and 80 degree weather. It's a trade off.

The Substitute Diaries - The Teacher Gets Schooled

My mother always told us that she had eyes in the back of her head. But I've learned that a substitute teacher must far surpass that standard, especially at the middle school level.

I've learned quite a few things since I started substitute teaching.

I can spot a teenage girl surreptitiously texting from her cell phone from way across the room. Honestly, do they think I don't know what they're doing when they sit with their hands in their purse?

The rattle of a candy or gum wrapper brings me to full attention. Likewise, I can hear a whisper all the way across a classroom.

I've learned which bells to ignore and which ones to heed. And I know where to go during a fire drill and what to take with me when evacuating the building.

I've learned that anytime a girl says she feels sick you should send her to the nurse's office as quickly as possible.

I've learned that it's okay to let a kid sleep through your class. It's the path of least resistance and sometimes that's the right choice.

I've learned that some teachers don't think substitutes are actually capable of teaching anything ... or they're just too lazy to put together a lesson plan.

During a test, I can spot a roving eye without even trying.

I've learned that, in the hands of a teenage boy, a rubber band is, at the very least, a huge distraction and, quite possibly, a weapon of mass destruction.

And pencils ... don't get me started on pencils. I could write volumes about pencils ... sharpening them ... coming to class without them ... breaking them ... stabbing people with them ... yes, I said stabbing. I once had a classroom of first graders who sharpened every pencil in the room (probably more than 40 total) down to less than two inches over a two-day period.

And along with pencils come sharpeners. Pencils and sharpeners are so abused and disruptive that I usually ban the use of electric sharpeners completely. If you must sharpen a pencil, you better be okay with using a small hand-held sharpener. That's all you're getting in my classroom.

And writing instruments in general ... I can't believe how many high school and middle school boys come to class without them day after day. Really, how do they expect to get any work done without anything to write with? Oh, I get it; that's the point isn't it?

There are things I say over and over again: Where are you going? Where are you supposed to be now? Do you really have to go? You're supposed to take care of your personal needs during passing period. Sit down! Stop talking! Turn around! Tuck in your shirt. I swear, some days it would be better for me if I just had a recording that would play these things continually over and over again. Sometimes I feel like the grand inquisitor.

I have also learned that the most powerful thing you can say to a kid is ... What is your name? Those four words, asked in a stern voice while making effective eye contact, strike fear into the heart of a kid. This is especially effective with boys ... for some reason they think you're going to leave the teacher a note with their name on it or write their name on a referral to the back office.

So, yes, I've learned a few things since I went "back to school."

Nerds Rule the School

Grams has worked two days at our local high school this week. Yesterday I taught chemistry. Today it was algebra. I'll just admit right now that I am woefully inadequate to teach either, but especially algebra. Fortunately, for today's algebra class I had an aide who was a math specialist for the first two class periods. She actually taught the class while I observed and took notes.

It's homecoming week at the high school which means the students are celebrating every day. Yesterday was celebrity day. I saw girls dressed as Kim Kardashian, J-Wow, and Christina Aguilera. The boys didn't seem to participate too much.

Today was Nerd Day. There were dozens of kids, both boys and girls, dressed as nerds. It was the cutest thing ever to see high school kids who are usually so concerned about being dressed in the most fashionable and popular clothing. Today they came in plaid shorts with suspenders, argyle sweaters, knee socks, Chuck Taylors, black socks, hair in pig tails, horn-rimmed glasses with tape on the nose piece, bow ties, and plaid skirts. I even saw one boy in a beanie with a propeller on top. It was SO cute!

There were even a couple of teachers who dressed nerdy. At lunch, one teacher came into the faculty lunch room and in her best "Steve Urkel" voice asked if anyone saved her a seat. She then reached into her pocket and pulled out her reading glasses which were extremely thick and held together with masking tape. But my absolute favorite thing was the science and math teachers. They all had on black t-shirts emblazoned across the front with "Talk Nerdy To Me."

Personally, I like nerds. In fact, I love them. I always told my daughter that nerds make the best husbands. Many years ago when I went to one of my high school reunions, I discovered that many of the boys whom we had considered nerds in high school were looking much better. They had great jobs, had learned how to dress well, looked younger than many of the others and seemed to have overcome the "nerd" label we had put on them.

Tomorrow is breast cancer awareness day at the high school. Each class has made and sold t-shirts to support breast cancer awareness. The school will be awash in pink.

Friday is maroon shirts and crazy socks and hat day. That should be fun.

I'm Not a Real Teacher

Grams has a new part-time job as a substitute teacher. First of all, let me just admit that I've always known I would love teaching...and so far I do.

I started last week with two days as a substitute for a "special ed inclusion" teacher at the intermediate school. Basically, that meant that I didn't have a class to handle. I went from class to class helping students who need a little extra attention, but always under the direction of another teacher. This was probably the perfect way for me to start out. I wasn't overwhelmed and I had lots of direction. And, if I had done it a few more days, eventually I might be able to do 5th grade math.

Today, I substituted for a middle school coach. Again, I wasn't alone most of the day, there was another coach handy who provided direction, advice and support. I had two classes of tennis players, one seventh grade and one eighth grade; I had four PE classes, mostly sixth graders. I enjoyed it a lot.

But I just can't resist the urge to share some of the excuses and comments I heard during the day. Some of these were so off the wall that it was hard not to laugh out loud. They're not direct quotes, they're just approximations as closely as I recall. I've also included my responses.

1. Miss, I can't run this morning 'cause I stayed up 'til 2 a.m. This is not my problem; run anyway.
   
2. I don't think I should have had a brownie for breakfast. I don't think so either, but you've still got to run.
   
3. Miss, your name is too hard to say. Is it okay if we just call you Mrs. Valentine? Seriously, you can say Valentine, but you can't say Valenta?
   
4. I can't run because I started my period and my mom said not to run. Did you bring a note? No, but Coach already knows. Coach is not here today. Get your PE clothes on.
   
5. I can't run because I hurt my hand. Really, you run on your hands? Unless you have a note, get running.
   
6. Coach always lets us sit in the bleachers while we dribble. First of all, I don't believe that and second, I'm not Coach. Get up and play basketball.
   
7. Miss, I need to pee! (Shouted from the back of the crowd of 45 or so students.) Thank you for sharing with the class, you may go to the rest room.
   
8. Miss, I forgot my clothes (from at least 2 students in each of the 4 PE classes.) These resulted in an explanation from me that failure to participate results in a 10-point deduction off of their six-week grade. Then they argued that if I were a "cool" substitute, I would not leave a note for their coach noting said failures. I'm so not a cool substitute.
   

Then there was a very lengthy explanation of something from one girl. I can not tell you what she was trying to explain in such great detail and with so much fervor or why she was explaining it to me, a lowly substitute. Seriously, I have no idea what she was trying to say or why she was trying to say it. It was actually after class was over and served no purpose whatsoever. I'm pretty sure my eyes glazed over at some point before I just sent her on to her next class.

I also overheard a student from the other class that shared the gym who, though she did dress out, did not participate in any of the team basketball games. When class was over she went up to the other coach and said "Miss, I don't know what team I'm on."

I would also like to point out that this school has a very strict dress code. Among other rules, all students are required to tuck in their shirts. This required me to stand at the locker room exit and remind them to tuck in their shirts. The response to this was, in most cases, a shoving in of only the front of the shirt right behind the belt buckle and that was it. Really, does that constitute tucking in a shirt?

Tomorrow, I will be teaching 7th grade science. Please God, no dissections.