Reconnecting With The Friends Of My Youth

Grams graduated from Corpus Christi's W. B. Ray High School in 1972. That means, next year my high school graduating class will hold its 40 year reunion. Now, I love the idea of a reunion. The thought of getting together with old friends and rehashing the way things used to be reminiscing appeals to me. But the reality of such a reunion just didn't work out for me. I've only been to one of my high school reunions. That was in 1982 when we gathered for our 10 year reunion. The class of '72 at Ray HS was huge -- several hundred students. I had few friends who were actually in my class. The few kids from school that I ran with were a year older than me, so they were not at the reunion that I attended. Very few of my friends were there.

The reunion committee did a great job planning activities for the entire weekend. The class met at a local barbecue place for dinner on Friday night, there was a family picnic at noon on Saturday, and then a dinner and dance on Saturday night. In 1982, Grandad and I had two small children and not much money. We spent what was at the time a significant amount of money to attend. About halfway through the weekend, I realized that I had wasted that money. These were not my friends. These were not the people I wanted to see again and I was not having a good time. I turned to my husband and said something like "I didn't even like these people in high school. What am I doing here?" Needless to say, we've never been back to another reunion.

When I realized that my 40 year reunion would be next year, I started thinking about it and realized that there is actually a group of people that I would like to see again. I was privileged to belong to a church youth group that was very active and very close. There was a core group of about 50 kids with another 25-50 who came and went over the years. These were the kids that I ran with.

I remember feeling like all most teenagers feel with the kids at school. You know the feelings -- not good enough, not smart enough, not wealthy enough, not pretty enough, and so on. But, with this large group of teenagers at church, I don't ever remember feeling that way. For the most part, we were all accepting of each other. We went to summer camp together, we hung out in the youth room at church several times a week, we dated each other, we took summer mission trips together, and generally we spent a lot of time together. I don't ever remember anyone being alienated, bullied, or treated badly. Everyone was welcomed with open arms.

Don't get me wrong, we were kids.We did the same things all kids do ... we rolled houses, we drove too fast, we went parking, we got into mischief, but the important thing is we liked each other and we were open and accepting to new kids in the group. Now, 40 years later, I realize how rare and wonderful that group was and how fortunate I was to belong to such a group.

This youth group was part of Morgan Avenue Baptist Church in Corpus Christi, Texas, which no longer exists. But thanks to Facebook, several of us have gotten back in touch. We started kicking around the idea of a reunion for the MABC Youth Group of the 1960s and 1970s. We spent a few months tracking down as many of our old friends as we could. Then last Saturday, we met in San Antonio for a 3 hour reunion. We ate, we talked, we reminisced, we took pictures and we even sang. It was a blessing. We were also delighted to be joined by Scotty & Thelda Jefferies who were two of our adult leaders. They are the couple seated on the front row.

We're making plans to get together again next year, possibly in Corpus Christi. In the meantime, we'll be working on tracking down a few more of the people from that youth group. Next year we're going to include the entire church membership in our reunion.

If you are a former member of Morgan Avenue Baptist Church, there is an alumni group on Facebook that you should join. The name of the group is Morgan Avenue Baptist Church alums. Nancy Kay Rodman Smith is the group moderator. Nancy also maintains an email distribution list for former members of MABC that is separate from Facebook. If you would like to be included on that list email Nancy at nkrsmith(at)gmail(dot)com.

I can truly say that the years I spent as part of the youth group at Morgan Avenue Baptist Church were wonderful. Every child should have friends like that and adults who care and set such a good example. These people helped make me the person I am today. I am so happy to once again be in touch with these old friends.

Morgan Avenue Baptist Church may no longer exist as a place or a building, but it is alive and well in the friends of my youth.

The Women On My Walk - My Young Friends

There are a couple of young ladies Grams would like you to meet. Their names are Kandyce and Jenny and I've known them since they were little bitty girls. They are lifelong friends and have been my neighbors since they were small. Their moms are two of my best friends. This is how they look in my mind.

This is how they look in reality.

And this is how they looked on Saturday morning when they both graduated with honors as Texas Scholars from Calallen High School.

Last weekend Katy, Bylinda and Grams hosted a Tea Party in their honor. It was fun to have friends and neighbors just sit and visit for a few hours. I especially enjoy passing on gentile traditions to new generations of women. Both of these young ladies are beautiful, kind and smart. I know they both have bright futures. Grams is honored to call them my friends.

Here are a few pictures from the tea party.

I would especially like to thank my sister Bylinda and my daughter Katy for helping me with this party. They drove from San Antonio and LaVernia to Corpus Christi and spent the weekend helping put everything together just right. It's so nice to have family you can count on to really pull their weight when entertaining.

Black Diamond Oyster Bar & Chef Josh

This week our Friday Night Dinner Group went to dinner at Black Diamond Oyster Bar. Black Diamond is one of Corpus Christi's old-time seafood restaurants. I don't know how long they've been in business, but I know it's somewhere in excess of 35 years. It's a little bit off the beaten path for restaurants and it's not fancy in any way.

We've eaten there a couple of times a year since we got married back in 1975. As a matter of fact, when I was pregnant with our first child I craved seafood, specifically fried shrimp. Almost every Friday night we would go to Black Diamond Oyster Bar where Grams would order the seafood platter. It was a huge platter of fried oysters, shrimp and fish topped with a big pile of fried clams. Seriously it was a pile of fried seafood and potatoes about six inches high on a big platter. Grandad would order a more modest portion of fried shrimp. Usually the waitress would bring the huge platter and set it in front of Grandad and she would give me the shrimp. We would immediately swap plates and chow down. Thank God it's not on the menu any more.

If you were looking for good old-fashioned fried fresh seafood, Black Diamond has always been one of the best places to go. The food has always been good, but in recent years it was not spectacular. Recently, however, one of our son's best friends has started working there as a chef. On Friday afternoon, he posted on his Facebook page that they had fresh Texas oysters on the half shell. Knowing that my mother-in-law really loves oysters on the half shell, I suggested dinner at Black Diamond.

There were five in our party. When we arrived at about 6 o'clock, there was no waiting; we got a table right away and ordered our drinks. Black Diamond has a full service bar. We told the host who seated us that Chef Josh was a friend of ours and we would like to say hello. He came out to greet us and gave us his recommendations from the special menu. 

As expected, my mother-in-law and our neighbor, Ron, split a dozen oysters on the half shell, They reported that they were delicious and very fresh and they actually polished off 18 of them. We all had salads which came with delicious homemade salad dressings. The bleu cheese dressing was outstanding with big chunks of cheese. Grandad had ranch dressing which he said was also excellent. For our entrees, Mary Lou and I both had the spicy fried shrimp which were on Friday night's specials menu. The shrimp were really large with just the right amount of batter and very lightly spiced. Grandad had the regular fried shrimp which were also large and tasty. Ron had grilled shrimp and grilled mahi-mahi; he said both of them were really good. Mama Ruthie had fried shrimp and oysters which she really liked too. Each of us left the restaurant with a to-go box full of food. The portions were very generous. All in all, the quality of Black Diamond's food has increased a lot.

Now that I've told you about the restaurant, I want to tell you about Chef Josh. Josh grew up on the street right behind us. He and Nick were about the same age and were always in the same grade. They are lifelong friends. When they were little, any time I couldn't find Nick, I would call Josh's mom, Lisa, and she would send him home. When they were little they could definitely get into some trouble together. As teenagers, I sensed that Josh kind of wanted to be a hell-raiser and that made me very nervous. Nick could get into enough trouble on his own. For a while I tried to discourage the friendship, but to no avail. They remained fast friends all the way through high school, college and now adulthood.

After high school graduation, Josh went to college locally, first studying business and then switching to culinary school where he studied hard and became a chef. While working his way through school as a waiter, he met and married a lovely young woman named Brooke. I'm as proud of Josh as I would be if he were my own son. I consider him one of my boys and I'm proud of how he turned out. He's worked hard and he and Brooke are building a good life together.And, I have to tell you, in spite of what I thought of him as a teenager, he's turned out to be one of my favorites of all Nick's friends.

So, if you're in Corpus Christi, go by the Black Diamond Oyster Bar and let Chef Josh cook something delicious for you. He may not deserve all the credit, but the quality of their food has improved significantly. You won't be disappointed.

The Women On My Walk #6 - My Book Club

Among the women who are a regular part of my life Grams counts a group of ladies known as The Book Snobs. The Book Snobs meet monthly to have a few drinks, share dinner, and discuss a book. These ladies feed my intellect and nourish my soul.

Grams has always been an avid reader. So much so that when I was a child, my mother used to have to make me go outside and play. I would have much preferred to just stay inside and read all summer long. Often when she chased me outside I would take a book, climb a tree, and sit there and read all afternoon. I learned early in life that books could take me away. In the pages of a book I could go anywhere and be anything.

I discovered poetry in my Childcraft books as soon as I could read. I loved Robert Louis Stevenson's poem, Happy Thought.

The world is so full
of a number of things,
I'm sure we should all
be as happy as kings.

And Adelaide Love's poem, A Book, made me see what a book could teach me about the world.

A book, I think, is very like
A little golden door
That takes me into places
Where I've never been before.


It leads me into fairyland
Or countries strange and far.
And, best of all, the golden door
Always stands ajar.

Those nursery rhymes and fairy tales were followed by The Bobbsey Twins and The Little House Books. Then I moved on to Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys. When we moved to Corpus Christi, I was ten years old and discovered "The Bookmobile" for the first time. It opened whole new world of reading and books for me.

As a young teen I discovered Harold Robbins. I know for sure that my mother had no idea about the contents of such trashy novels as A Stone for Danny Fisher and The Carpetbaggers or that they were extremely inappropriate reading for a 13-year-old girl.

In my twenties and thirties my taste turned to romance novels by writers like Rosemary Rogers, Johanna Lindsey, and Nora Roberts.Those bodice-rippers helped me make it through all the years of diapers, potty-training, little league, and teenagers.

In elementary school I was delighted when the teacher would read a book aloud. I waited with anticipation for the period right after lunch when she would read every day.  And in junior high and high school I absolutely adored English classes. Teacher-led discussions that delved into the depths of a book were my favorite part of school.

Naturally, I kept reading after I finished school, but I missed the fulfillment of discussing books. Over the years I've found a few friends who share my enthusiasm for books; most notably, my friends Sandy and Janna. Both of them share my love of reading and discussing books.

For years, Janna and I talked about wanting to join a book club. So when Janna approached me a couple of years ago about joining a new club with some of her friends, I jumped at the opportunity.

The Book Snobs have added variety to my reading list. Thanks to them I've read books I would never have read on my own. We started with Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen, a really great read about a depression-era circus. We've read everything from Victorian novels to bestsellers to banned books. We've discussed a wide range of topics including medical ethics and mental illness. We've read some chick lit, some new age, and some classics. We even tackled Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet and read it in one month. The Book Snobs have seriously broadened my reading horizons. You can see our reading list on our blog, The Book Snobs.

The women of the Book Snobs share my love of books and reading. Reading with The Book Snobs has made me a more active reader. I still can't bring myself to write in the margins or highlight my books; but now I read with a stack of post-it notes to mark passages that I want to discuss. The Book Snobs provide a place to discuss books and all that's contained in them. That one night a month when I know that I can kick back with "The Snobs," have a glass of wine, a good dinner, and talk about books is something I look forward to every month.

The Women On My Walk #5 - My Former Co-Workers

Grams went to work for our local United Way when I was 19 years old. I worked there for 32 years in a variety of positions. Over that period of time the organization had seven different Executive Directors. The total number of employees working there at any one time over the years ranged from 10-20. Most of those were women. Never at any time were there more than three men on staff at the same time. Generally speaking, nonprofit organizations employ many more women than men. I'm pretty sure it's because women work cheaper than men, but that's not the point of this post.

I wish I had kept a list of all the women I worked with over the years. In most nonprofit organizations employee turnover is high. If I just had to guess, I'd say that over that 32 year period I worked with more than 100 women of all ages, races and varying degrees of competence. Most of them were lovely women from whom I learned a lot. There were a few who would qualify as outright crazy, but most of them were just like me; working to give their families a better quality of life and making the best of being working moms. Some of them left and I've never heard from them again; others have become close friends.

One of the groups that has saved my sanity is a group of these former co-workers that I call "the lunch bunch." For the several years we worked together, we ate lunch together, usually at a table in one of the common areas of the office. When the last director took over, she immediately decreed that we would no longer be allowed to eat there. It was her way of beginning to divide and conquer. Shortly thereafter, she began firing and/or laying off existing employees or driving them away so she could hire her friends. In less than one year, all but one employee had been replaced by her friends.

No longer working together did not deter us from getting together for lunch. Of course, it was not every day, but it was still fairly regular. Recently, we've moved our gatherings to the evening for cocktails and dinner. It gives us more time to linger and visit. And there are a couple of former co-workers who no longer live nearby, but we stay in touch via email and/or Facebook.

We were co-workers. We covered for each other at work. We worked together to make sure everyone met deadlines and achieved goals. But as co-workers we shared more than just work; we shared our lives on a daily basis as only women can. We had babies, sent them to day care and came back to work. We nursed sick children and sometimes we brought them to work with us. We bought whatever the kids were selling as fundraisers. We wept with each other when loved ones died. We laughed at our kids' antics. We gave each other moral support when our kids were teenagers. We supported each other through divorces. We hosted showers for babies and brides. We celebrated graduations from high school and college. We held each others hands when our children started kindergarten or left for college. We cooked for each other. Some of us became grandmothers. Somehow, we made going to work every day more tolerable and sometimes even enjoyable.

We held our tongues when we saw each other doing stupid things ... well, sometimes we didn't actually hold our tongues because sometimes you've just got to say what has to be said. Sometimes we got downright mad at each other. There were even a few instances where we yelled at each other or stopped speaking for a while. Some of us spoke our minds, others just shook our heads and walked away. We provided shoulders to cry on and encouragement to keep on going. We accomplished a lot of good things together, both personally and for our community.

But we came to know each other and to like each other. I once told a group of them that they were not my friends, they were my co-workers. When I worked with them, I somehow felt it was important to recognize that difference. But I have to acknowledge that when I said that, they looked as if I had slapped them and I felt bad.

We are a diverse group of women ... accountants, secretaries, social workers, fund-raisers, managers, educators, and consultants, among other things. Each is accomplished in her own way. Sometimes we make it look so easy to be working moms and sometimes our hair is on fire. We are as different as we are alike. Some of us are girly girls and some of us are not. Some of us cook and some of us don't. Some are high-maintenance and high-heels and some of us are jeans and flip-flops.

When we get together we let our hair down ... we eat ... we drink ... we laugh ... we bitch ... we moan ... we celebrate ... we cry ... we surprise each other ... we shock each other ... we support each other ... we like each other. We've become our very own support group. I'm proud to call them my friends!

The Women On My Walk #4 - My Sisters-In-Law

Grandad is the middle of three brothers. Their wives are an important part of Grams' support system. There are some things that no one else understands like Nancy and Jeanne. Any time the three of us get together, we have so much fun. We can laugh with and at each other like no one else. 

All three of our husbands are wonderful men and great husbands and fathers. But they are men! And when I need to vent and let off steam about my husband, there is no one who understands better than my sisters-in-law. They get it because they live it. We share a common bond that surpasses understanding.  

Gary is the eldest brother. He and Nancy were high school sweethearts. They were the first to marry and had the first grandchild. They had already been married a couple of years when Grandad and I started dating. We started doing things together right away. Nancy will tell you exactly what she thinks, but she always sees the best in people and expects the best from them. Sometimes, when I'm complaining about one person or another, she will point out that maybe they can't really help the way they are or didn't mean it the way I took it. Nancy and Gary are our movie buddies. The first thing we ever did with them was go to see "Young Frankenstein" at the movies. More than 30 years later, weekends often still find the four of us taking in the latest box office release. We go to church together and usually have brunch together on Sundays. I have marveled at her strength in dealing with some very tough challenges presented by raising her children. She faced them with grace and a smile. Just for the record, she likes really hot jalapenos and she can eat them by themselves and she likes tequila shots ... straight up.

Danny is the youngest of the three brothers. He and Jeanne met at Texas A&M University and they married shortly after they graduated. They live in the DFW area so we only get to see them a few times a year. Jeanne is the mother of two twenty-something young men. Nothing phases her. She holds her own in a household full of "man stuff" including, but not limited to, guns, knives, and farting. When they were in college, in keeping with the Aggie tradition, she could drink with the best of them. Honestly, I think that may have been one of the things that first attracted Danny to her. A few years ago, when she realized that she needed a career change, she went back to school and got certified in surgical technology. She's the person who hands the correct tools to a surgeon. She'll still have a beer with the guys and, over the years we've shared a few cocktails. And she makes absolutely the best sugar cookies I've ever eaten.

The three of us have talked each other through many of life's crises. We've cried on each others shoulders while raising our kids and putting up with our husbands. We've comforted each other in dealing with aging and dying parents and yes, I'll admit it, dealing with our husbands' family. We have encouraged each other, comforted each other, drank together, shopped together, gossiped together, eaten together, and traveled together. We've often been left behind when our husbands have gone hunting, fishing and golfing, but we have also tagged along. No matter where they take us, the three of us always have a good time together. 

My absolute favorite get-aways are the times the six of us spend together. My sisters-in-law understand things that no one else does. They get my stories. Heck, sometimes they have the same stories. I love these two women like I love my own sisters. We have a common bond. We commiserate with each other ... we understand each other ... we like each other ... we stand together ... we support our husbands. We are much more than sisters-in-law ... we are sisters and friends.  

The Women On My Walk #2 - My Neighbors

Near the top of the list among the women Grams draws strength from are my neighbors.  Some of them are not just neighbors, they're good friends.  There are quite a few of them with whom I have a casual acquaintance, but two of them have become really close friends.

Mary Lou is my closest neighbor.  We've lived next door to each other for more than twenty years now.  She's the neighbor I can always go to if I need to borrow something or need help with almost anything.  She and her husband, Ron, are exceptionally good neighbors to everyone in the neighborhood.  They have almost everyone's spare keys; block parties are generally held in their driveway; and if you want to catch up on what's going on in the neighborhood, you can just pull up a lawn chair in their driveway.  Eventually everyone stops there to chat.

Mary Lou is the mother and grandmother I want to be.  I have always admired the relationship she has with all four of her adult children.  They are all successful and productive adults who love to come home and visit. They talk on the phone regularly and although some of them live several hundred miles away, she is involved in their lives in a positive way.  As often as is physically possible, she attends ballgames, performances and other things that her grandchildren are involved in. 

Diane lives about five houses down on the other side of the street.  She is the mother of one teenage girl.  Diane and I relate mostly about the "joys" of raising girls.  She often listened to my tales of woe when my kids were teenagers and I've been able to do the same for her.  Mostly we're just able to laugh at each others' stories.  I think the fact that my kids turned out okay gives her hope that her's will too.  Diane and her husband Clayton are the owners of a big SUV, that usually makes them the designated drivers when we all go out together.

The three of us have shared laughter, tears, and more than a few cocktails.  We've supported each other through raising kids, sick parents, husbands with health problems, home improvement projects gone horribly wrong, budget squeezes, and the deaths of our parents and grandparents.  We've oohed and aahed over each others kids dressed in prom clothes and wedding gowns. We've been to bridal showers, baby showers and parties together.  And, we've gained and lost many pounds together. 

The three of us have done all those things women do for each other.  We've cooked for each other, played games, shared recipes, complained to each other, and, most Friday evenings, we all go out to dinner together.  They're part of what I call the Friday Night Dinner Club.  We all pile into Diane's big SUV and just choose a restaurant and all go out to dinner.  More about this group in a later post. 

I think part of what makes our friendship special is that we're at three different stages of our lives.  We're about ten years apart in our ages, one in her sixties, one in her fifties, and one in her forties.  Each of us knows that the others have been where we are or will be there soon.  There is a lot of comfort in knowing that someone else has gone through the same thing we have and has survived to tell the tale.  These are two of the women who make my walk a littler easier and a lot more fun.  I'm glad we're neighbors and I'm glad we're friends.

The Women On My Walk #1 - My Daughter

There are so many wonderful women who make up Grams' support system that deciding where to start has been more of a challenge than I expected.  So maybe it's a little obvious, but I've decided to start with the person who has been the number one most influential woman in my life for 30 years now, my daughter, Katy. 

Where to start and what can I say?  I'll start by saying that Katy is the most supportive person I know, bar none.  And she doesn't support and encourage only me, it is innate in her personality.  She's encouraging, upbeat, and uplifting to everyone, family, friends and coworkers.  Friends and family members have often commented to me about how just spending time with her raises their spirits. She's beautiful inside and out.

It was clear to me very early that her vision is different from mine.  And I mean that literally.  She has an artist's eye and she was born with it.  When I look at something, I see the thing.  When she looks at the same thing, she sees what it is made of ... the lines, the textures, the curves, and the shadows. And she has the talent and skill to translate what she sees into something beautiful and artistic. 

When I need it, she's not shy about giving me a good healthy dose of reality.  When I was investigating gastric bypass surgery in a desperate effort to regain control of my weight and my health, she went with me to visit the surgeon.  She listened to what he had to say and asked lots of questions.  She was straightforward and honest about her expectations.  She turned to me and said, "Mom, I'm willing to support you in this, but you have to do what the doctor says.  You can't do this for a while and then stop.  This will be for the rest of your life."  So there it was, not said out loud but powerful even though unspoken.  Without being unkind or mean-spirited, she'd just made her point.  What she didn't say is "Mom, you've been on every kind of diet there is, but you've never stuck to any of them long term."  But her point was made and it's stuck with me.  Every time I get discouraged or think I can't do it any more, I remember the commitment she asked of me and that I made to her, simply this, that I will do what the doctor says.  And the few times I've strayed off plan, she doesn't hesitate to remind me of my commitment. 

The morning my Mom died, I called Katy and she immediately offered to come home.  We already knew that the funeral would not be here in Corpus Christi, but 500 miles away in Northeast Texas.  We also knew that Grandad would be having major surgery within the next few days so I told her just to wait until the arrangements were made and then we would decide in a day or so who would go to the funeral and who would come home for the surgery.  But as the day passed and I faced the reality of coming home alone to an empty house, around five o'clock I realized that I didn't want to be alone.  I called her and she was here within three hours.  It was such a comfort not to have to face that night alone.

When I wanted to climb Enchanted Rock, she was the very first to volunteer to go with me.  When I struggled that day, both physically and emotionally, she stayed right by my side encouraging me and truly understanding why this was an emotional thing for me. 

We have a very strong mother-daughter connection that I did not have with my own Mom.  But, it's more than that.  There's even a psychic connection.  Both of us just know when the other is in need.  Simply put, she's my best friend.  Rarely does a day go by that we don't talk on the phone.  When I need advice, she's the one I can always turn to.  She's level-headed and truly wise beyond her years.  She makes good decisions about her own life.  She lives her life consciously.  She's environmentally and politically responsible.  And I am proud of the woman she is.

Our relationship has not always been sunshine and roses.  After all, she was a teenage girl for six or seven years.  And don't even get me started on some of the young men she chose to date.  But when it came to choosing a life partner, she chose wisely.  She has a wonderful husband and they are building a great life together.  We still don't always see eye-to-eye on everything, but we love and respect each other.  Over the years we have successfully redefined our relationship to keep it suitable to our ages and where we are in our lives.  And, she's the mother of Our Little Princess.  What more could I ask for?

The Women On My Walk

For several months now, Grams has been considering writing a series of entries about the women who are or have been part of my life.  Yesterday while making plans with a friend to go and see the upcoming movie "Sex and the City 2" I thought again about how important other women have been in my life.  I've been acutely aware of their importance for the past few years, since I've been dealing with Grandad's ill health and the loss of both of my parents. 

Several years ago I received an email with the subject line "Don't Forget Your Girlfriends."  I liked it a lot and saved it.  I have re-read it a number of times over the years and passed it on to my daughter when she got married.  I don't know it's origin, but here it is. 

I sat on a summer day, drinking iced tea and visiting with my mother.

"Don't forget your girlfriends," Mother advised, clinking the ice cubes in her glass. “No matter how much you love your husband, you are still going to need girlfriends. Remember to go places with them now and then; and do things with them, even when you don't necessarily want to. And remember that girlfriends are not only friends, but sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers and other relatives too. Women supporting and relating to other women is our responsibility and our gift.”

"What a funny piece of advice," I thought. "Hadn't I just gotten married? Hadn't I just joined the couple-world? I was now a married woman, for goodness sake, not some young girl who needed friends!"

But I listened to my Mom. I kept in contact with my girlfriends and even found some new ones along the way. As the years tumbled by, one after another, I gradually came to understand that Mom really knew what she was talking about!

Here is what I know: Girl friends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you need help; Girlfriends keep your children and your secrets. Girlfriends give advice when you ask … sometimes you take it and some-times you don't. Girlfriends don't always tell you you're right, but they usually tell the truth. Girlfriends still love you, even when they disagree with your choices. Girlfriends laugh with you and don't need canned jokes to start the laughter. Girlfriends pull you out of jams. Girlfriends don't keep a calendar of who hosted the others last big party.

Girlfriends will celebrate for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that happens. Girlfriends are there for you in an instant, and when the hard times come. Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.

Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend. Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart. Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail. Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies. Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down. Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.  Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

Times passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Marriages fail. Love waxes and wanes. Hearts break. Careers end. Jobs come and go. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Men don't call when they say they will. But girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

My daughters, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, nieces, cousins, extended family, and friends bless my life. The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead, nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Over the next few months, I'm planning to do a short series of blog entries about the women who have become my support system.  I'm not sure yet exactly how many entries there will be.  Some will feature individual women and some will feature groups.  But I'm looking forward to telling you about some of the remarkable women who have made my walk both easier and more worthwhile.  Some of them are relatives and some of them are friends.  Each of them is accomplished, amazing and special.  These women have laughed with me, played with me, cried with me, eaten with me, fed me, encouraged me, prayed for me, advised me, inspired me, drank with me, celebrated with me, given me a shot of reality when I needed it, and one or two of them helped me "bury the bodies."

So when you see an ad for "Sex and the City 2" think about your girlfriends and all the amazing women on your walk.  Think about how they have been there for you and you've been there for them.  Women are amazing and wonderful creatures!

Mothers and Friends

I had lunch with two good friends and former co-workers today. I hadn't seen them in a couple of months and it was great to spend an hour visiting, swapping stories and laughing. All three of us are moms with children of varying ages. We have stayed in touch since leaving our common employer more than three years ago.

Our children range in age from 10 to 30 and among us we have 5 girls and 2 boys. But we always have the best time talking about them and sharing our motherhood stories.

Isabel has two extremely precocious daughters who are in elementary school. I love the stories she tells about them. They are both so smart. The things they say make me think that both of them are smarter than your average bear.

Today Isabel related that recently she was very angry and yelling at the younger of her girls. After a while, her daughter looked at her and said something like "Mommy, some of the people inside of you are ugly and I don't like seeing them."

Then the fun really started. We spent the next several minutes laughing uproariously while suggesting alternate names for Isabel's other personalities. My favorite was Carlotta and we laughingly suggested that next time she's angry she might remind her daughter that she doesn't want to see Carlotta.

Joanne went on to tell us about how her son recently went alligator hunting. A couple of weeks ago when she asked me if I had any recipes for alligator I thought she was joking. She reported that the alligator skin is being tanned so he can have boots made, although it may be a long time before he can afford the custom-made boots. And, since she now has an alligator head in her freezer, she has set aside a specific part of her freezer just for her son's wild game. That way not only does she not have to eat it, she doesn't even have to see it. Let's just say that her son is a major contributor to the gun ownership statistics in Texas.

We talked about how great it is when your kids finally get old enough and mature enough to stay by themselves for short periods of time. Isabel reported that her girls are now old enough that she occasionally leaves them for very short periods of time like to run to the pharmacy. I told her a cautionary tale of my two children dialing 9-1-1 because they thought our neighbor's house was being burglarized. It turned out that they were having their windows replaced and the people "breaking in" were the contractors. We all still laugh about that and my neighbor says they absolutely did the right thing.

I think the bottom line is that mothers don't have to keep a sense of humor ... but it helps. Mark Twain summed it up well.

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." -Mark Twain

A Foodie Weekend

Grams had a great weekend. It was definitely centered around delicious food, probably more than it should have been.

We kicked it off on Friday night with a 45 minute drive up the coast to Fulton Beach. Our Friday night dinner group went to Charlotte Plummer's Seafare Restaurant. Charlotte Plummer's is one of our favorite places. We all pile in to our neighbor's big SUV and talk all the way there and back. The seafood is delicious. The menu offers a good variety cooked almost any way you want it. Grandad and I split a large broiled seafood platter. We lingered over dinner and drinks. We sat upstairs near the windows so we had a great view of the docks where the commercial shrimp boats and tour boats are tied up.


On Saturday, Grams made Turkey Chili. Several months ago, the Valenta men went turkey hunting. It was a real "guy's weekend," complete with all the things you would expect ... guns, four-wheelers, lying, farting, over-eating, etc. Grandad came home with two turkeys. I had cooked one of the breasts earlier and it was kind of tough. So, on Friday I cooked the remaining turkey breasts in the crock pot for twelve hours. On Saturday, I shredded the turkey and made turkey chili.

Sunday after church we went to the annual Czechfest at our neighboring parish. We enjoyed visiting with some old friends over a delicious Czech lunch of sausage, sauerkraut with potatoes, green beans and a kolache. Grams loves, loves, loves the sauerkraut with potatoes that they always serve at Czechfest. It's worth the trip just to get the sauerkraut. I've never tasted any other sauerkraut that I like as much. It's so good!

As a side note, Grams had never even heard of kolaches until she married into a huge Czech family. My in laws used to make them at home. I particularly like the ones they made. In case you don't know, I would describe a kolache as a small sweet yeast biscuit with fruit filling. They can also be filled with sausage or cottage cheese or cream cheese.


After Czechfest, we came home and kicked back the rest of the evening. We had leftover chili for dinner and watched movies and television all afternoon and evening.

No, Grams didn't make kolaches. But she did make it through a "foodie" weekend without busting out of her jeans.